production
Originally uploaded by bnims.

It’s a wrap. Not really, but we did just finish our first day for the short film Brent and I are shooting. And it feels really good. For those of you who don’t know, a few months ago, I set a goal to write and shoot a short film within a year. I was thinking that it would happen this spring, but the idea came for a quirky comedy and we had a trip to Indiana planned for Christmas so we thought let’s just shoot then. It sounded easy enough. So far, things have been coming along smoothly. Everybody we asked to play parts said yes, we got the locations, some wonderful friends loaned us some equipment, our family has been supportive, and we captured a lovely sunset from on top of the water tower yesterday. It was an experience. We harnessed ourselves and climbed staight up the center of the tower though a tall tube. When we got to the top we opened the hatch and then connected ourselves to the top of the tower about 150 feet above ground. On top of the tower we have about a 4 foot circle to move around on. All for two seconds of sunset. It was the first time I have ever seen Brent scared and confirmed to us his fear of heights. At one point, I suggested a certain angle and he responded, “How about action and you just start acting,” as he gripped the flagpole in one hand and the camera in another. It was “classic” as he says. When we came down I felt closer to him than ever! Back to today, our first full shoot day. We shot at “Junebug’s” house, that is my Grandma Webb’s house. Junebug is playing the part of the grandma in the movie. We had a ball. Even if the film stinks, I will have some funny memories of Junebug and I cracking up. Our enormous crew of…two…Brent and I set up about 10 am and finished tonight around 10 pm. We did take a 3 hour break to go say hi to the boys and go to the grocery store with my dad. I believe we shot seven scenes today. We took care of the lights, sound, costuming, hair and make-up, continuity, cinematography, directing the actors, ect… I feel like a true “independent” filmmaker…he he…we are not doing anything by the book at this point. Hell…who needs a marker? It’s fun and satisfying. The only thing that is missing (besides a buget) is our friends. I look forward to fumbling through the next filmic adventure with a few friends by our sides and on the set!!

Right now we are in Indiana and will be here for 3 weeks. So far it’s great. We got here Saturday and it’s been warm, really warm, for December. Today, my mom, sister, Nathanael, Noah and I went to an aquarium in Cincinnati. I love river towns. Looking at them transports me back in time and I start imagining my life as Huck Finn. I also love aquariums. Some people may find them sad and I can understand their point. But since I am afraid of the ocean and would never scuba dive, I enjoy peaking into the other world that makes up most of earth. Saw lots of amazing creatures that one would expect to see at an aquarium.  

We got to pet some sharks, they felt a little like a cats tongue.  

Santa made an underwater visit.  

But the highlight for me was a rain forest exhibit that was filled with, not fish but, Lorikeets. We fed them nectar from little cups. Noah thought they were tops.  

Nathanael was nervous thinking they might bite.   

I found them funny, full of personality.

Now I want one (along with a penguin), but we have trouble enough finding babysitters for our furry family when traveling, so I don’t think that would be wise. Nevertheless they were fun. The boys had a great time and it was fun being with my sister and mom. Now if only we could adjust to the time change.  

Yesterday, Noah asked me to play a game with him. I walked into his room and he had spread the contents of the SORRY game all over his bedroom floor. We set it up and began to play. He was actually into the game, only distracted by Sunny, our cat, who he had caught and put on my lap. In the end, it was close. Both of our last pawns were in or nearing the SAFETY ZONE. There would be no reason to switch with an 11 card and the SORRY card was a passed turn, so it was just a matter of being lucky enough to draw the right number to bring our pawns into home. Noah was so excited, certain he was going to win. I began to worry because it really looked like I was going to win. We ran out of cards and I picked them up to shuffle. Should I let him win or should I let him learn it’s okay to lose? Being a little brother he already loses a lot. Quickly, I glanced at his pawns, one had seven spaces and the other had one space to move to be in home. I needed three spaces to bring lone pawn into home. I saw if I set the cards down the way they were, I would draw a 3 on my next turn and win. I also saw a one and a 7 near the top. Very discreetly, I put the 1 on top, then a invalid SORRY card, followed by a seven.
“Noey, it’s your turn.”
He drew a 1 and moved a pawn into HOME. My turn.
“Oh I drew a SORRY card. Can’t move. Your turn.”
His large baby hand picked up a card. He has to focus to be able to pick on one and not the entire pile.
“Look you drew a 7, count the spaces for you last guy. He’s HOME, you won!!!”
Noah jumped up, punched at the air with glee, shouted, “I won, I won!”

I used our game experience later that night in my musical improv class. We had to talk about an event in our day and then sing a chorus that summed it up. My chorus went like this:

Sometimes it’s better to lose.
Sometimes it’s better to lose.
If you know what’s best for you, you will try it too.
Sometimes it’s better to lose.

I was actually funny but one those things where you had to be there!!

Here is the postcard for the short I did at Second City. It was a blast.

We spent the afternoon with our dear friends, Casson, Anna, and Sammie in Marina del Ray. They just moved back to CA from NYC. It was fun and relaxing to feel the freedom to be ourselves. Later, Anna came with me to watch my improv show at Second City. What a love. Because it was a little “shaky”. She also gave me a designer bag she had designed. My first real designer bag and designed by a friend. Anna you are a super love. 😉 Nathanael and Noah had fun until they got tired. I had fun until I had to ride home in a messy car with wrappers crackling under my feet.

Noey were walking through our neighborhood yesterday when he exclaimed, “Look mama there’s an army cat!” I looked to where he was pointed and there sat a rather round orange and brown calico cat watching us walk by as if he was guarding his porch. Noey then asked, “Where’s his gun?”

Nathanael had a sale today. Around noon he set up a makeshift table in the back yard with old toys. I mentioned, that I didn’t think his chances of getting customers were very high with it set up out back. So he moved it to the front and proceeded using his own marketing techniques such as shouting in a voice laced with annoyance, “I’m having a sale today. Everybody can come.” As the minutes wore on and customers didn’t flock as expected, Brent overheard him singing a blue-sy song about nobody coming to his sale.
I said a quick prayer asking God to bring a customer. I guess God wanted him to learn more about perseverance than instant success. (I know the frustration that comes with this lesson.) After 1/2 hour, or so, I heard him shouting again with even more annoyance, “That sale is over in ten minutes, if you want to come and buy anything.” Then ten minutes later he came in demanding 2 pieces of Halloween candy. I saw there was more going on than wanting Halloween candy and asked what was wrong. His eyes welled up with tears and he said “Nobody is coming to my sale. I yelled that it was going to be over in 10 minutes and nobody came.” He continued through his tears, rather defiantly, “Put up a closed sign.” Humph…take that!

Noey has a small skull about the size of a walnut. It came off of some creepy Halloween necklace my mom bought him. He’s obessessed with it. He takes it everywhere, shoves it into his pocket or keeps it gripped in his hand like it’s a piece of antiquity. If he miplaces it, he gets this desperate look on his face, the look I would have if I lost my wedding ring . The other night he half woke up crying asking for his skull. I love how kids become obsessed with random objects. A few weeks ago it was little tiny toy shark. I guess adults do the same thing, but usually the objects are a little less unique, unlike the walnut sized plastic skull.

AT HOME*, we eat healthy or at least what I believe is healthy, basically an organic whole-food kosher diet. Actually, if you know me well, you know I can get a bit obsessive and annoying about food. I’m sure there is a label for my food obsession. Let me elaborate. Almost all the produce I buy is fresh, organic and nutritious, things like corn and iceberg don’t count. I try to eat at least one raw fruit or vegetable at every meal. I don’t buy white grains only brown. I try to limit the amount of wheat we eat. The majority of our dairy is organic. I buy high omega eggs with “golden” yolks. I’m even considering switching to raw milk. I don’t buy pork, shellfish, or dirty fish (they must have scales). My meat is free range and grassfed or at the least kosher. I buy chicken that has been fed a vegetarian diet without antibiotics or hormones. I don’t buy farm raised fish, only wild, and won’t eat too much b/c of mercury. I think processed sugar substitutes, of all kinds, are dangerous at best. The closest I come to buying processed food are frozen tamales at Trader Joes or spaghetti sauce. I enjoy detoxes and cleanses. I’m skeptical about soy products. I own a $300 wheatgrass juicer. Huge grocery stores, frighten me, I do my best to avoid them. If I am buying something in a jar or box, I practically memorize the labels. And I’m not just looking for hydrogenated oils, I’m looking for any artificial ingredient, color number something, or preservative that I can’t pronounce, don’t know what it means or sounds like it was made in a lab. You get the point. I’m anal about my food AT HOME*. I should probably get a WWJE bracelet.

But there’s a catch.

Don’t be fooled by my AT HOME* eating habits. I’m a hypocrite. The problem is sugar or rather my addiction to it. I sabotage all my hard work with sugar. And everyone knows sugar is one of the worst things a person can eat. I need to find a support group because I have all the symptoms of an addict. I lie about eating it. I eat it when I say I don’t want it. I go out of my way to get it. I hide evidence. I try not to keep it in my house except in the forms of maple syrup, honey, and agave nectar. When I have been desperate, I have drank over of cup of maple syrup, making myself sick and once half a bottle of agave nectar. There’s something not right about that. I have even found myself shaking at the checkout line at Ralph’s trying not to buy a Reese’s cup or York Peppermint Patty. Once I came home shouting to Brent, “I did it”, overjoyed, at my triumph of not buying any candy at Ralph’s. Brent said, “Good job Baby!”. I said, “I rewarded myself with a People Magazine, it has anorexic stars who don’t eat sugar on the cover!!” The last 7 years for Lent, I have given up sugar and I don’t think I have ever been 100% successful. One year I ate an entire jar of kid’s gummy vitamins to get my fix, citing that it didn’t count b/c it wasn’t technically candy or a dessert. Sugar is like heroin to me, albeit, killing me slower and the damage to my life is not as evident. The worst part is, I have passed on my addiction to Nathanael. Noah, somehow, seems to have been bypassed. He can eat a cookie and stop or save some for later. But Nathanael, well, he is just as bad as me, except that he is honest and shows no shame. He references candy about 5000 times a day. And I totally empathize with him. When I was a kid there used to be this Dairy Queen commercial where it took the audience’s point of view down a chocolate river lined with mountains of ice cream and chocolate covered in candy. That was my ultimate fantasy. Willy Wonka was my hero. The same is true for Nathanael. And I don’t know what to do about it. About a year ago, I discovered these books, The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Guide and Little Sugar Addicts. It was enlightening and Nathanael and I began our journey to recovery. The journey lasted less than a week. I feel like giving up but I don’t want to, at least not yet. This week has been bad, as is any time, I eat outside my house. When I go on vacation or go to a party, many of my dietary habits go out the window, especially sugar. I can justify every bite. This week, I have ate part of a 1/2 gallon of Blue Bell ice cream, two pizza cookies with ice cream, Joe-Joes, a gas station cinnamon roll, Ben and Jerry’s, a cheesecake brownie, and an enormous bag of marshmallows. And this is just what I can remember off the top of my head. I think my insides are exploding with yeast. Every night I have woke up with a stomach ache, I know because of the food I’m eating, especially sugar. This is why I am typing a blog at 3 a.m. And if it wasn’t gone, I’d probably be having a bowl of Blue Bell Turtle Fudge right now. Pathetic.

*This our AT HOME diet only. It’s not a religious thing. So, if you invite us over for dinner, we will HAPPILY eat whatever you make without gagging and judgement. 😉 And for goodness sake, if we go out to dinner and I order french fries and a coke, don’t judge me!

Last night I drove to Tucson to see one of my dearest friends, Juliana, who I call Ju-boo. About ten years ago Ju-boo and I drove through Tucson on our way to live in LA for the summer. It was both of our first times living outside of our parents house not on a college campus and the beginning of a friendship that I know will last the rest of our lives. I love her dearly. Ju-boo now lives in Austin but was in Tucson staying at the Hilton El Conquistador Resort for a business trip and I am in Phoenix for vacation. Perfect timing. A few months ago we were lucky enough to be in NYC at the same time too! Anyway we went to Oregano’s and then stayed up late talking. It was wonderful.

Unfortunatley, she had to leave early in the morning so our time together was much too short. She left around 6:30 am. Alone in the hotel room I peeked out the drapes. The sun was starting to come up and everything was a mix of Impressionistic colors slightly fuzzy waiting for the warmth and glare of the sun to reveal the details that were hidden in the dawn. I considered going back to sleep because it is rare for me to find time to sleep in. But then realized it was even more rare for me to watch the rocky mountains of Tucson wake up in solidtude. I pulled a blanket off the bed and situated myself in a chair on the balcony with my Bible. The mountains turned from shades of violet and navy blue to a golden hues of tan speckled with green and brown. I love the desert. I find it beautiful. It is so mysterious and sublime. I feel captivated by it’s hostility toward man and curious about the creatures who can survive its unforgiving terrain. Okay, I know I’m no Shelley writing about Mont Blanc, but it was gorgeous and peaceful beyond words. So, I read some Psalms and then read Phillippians. That book has really been speaking to me lately. Probably because it is the first and only thing I have read in the Bible in months! The other day Nathanael drew me a drawing with Phillipians 4:13 written on it and since then I keep going back to that book. When the sun had fully risen, I tried to go back to bed unsucessfully. After reading a bit of USA Today I decided to go sit in the spa. The spa was located, along with three other pools, in the center the hotel, a man-made oasis. I sat in the spa chatting with my mom for a while. Then headed over to the pool and read a few chapters from Kitchen Confidential. It’s supposed to be a funny memoir about the author’s life as a chef. It’s okay. After too many pages of few too laughs, I decided to go for a swim. I felt like what one of those beta fish you buy in the tiny little bowls must feel like when they are transferred into a larger tank. The pool was huge and I had it all to myself. I felt small and happy floating while looking at the mountains, doing strokes wtih crappy technique and swimming underwater pretending to be an eel. Finally, before leaving I decided I wanted to go down the 143 foot faux rock waterslide a few times. I walked over to find it closed because there was not an attendant on duty. But if there was no one on duty, then there was no one to catch me. Besides I figured, what would they say, don’t do that. It had been along time since I felt so free, like going skinny dipping in highschool with my girlfriends.

After my brief act of civilized rebellion 🙂 I took a shower and packed up to drive back to Phoenix. I have always loved driving on the freeway, but since having kids it has become more often a chore than an escape or therapy. A few more hours of freedom and solitude and I wanted to make the most of it. Driving makes me feel like my cells are opening up, taking a big breath, and shouting “Yeehaw!” or “Rock On!” in earnest. I searched for a Christian station hoping to to stay in a mindset of Jesusy awe, but couldn’t find any, at least any I could stomach. So I asked God to speak to me through, heaven forbid, “secular” music. I didn’t hear any specifics but I felt freedom and peace from deep within as I barreled down interstate 10 in my Grandpa’s Buick. I listened to mostly classic rock and 80’s. I did hear Snow Patrols “Chasing Cars” part of it speaks to me on a spritual level. And I one point, I found myself singing the chorus of the Scorpions, “Rock You Like a Hurricane” to God, but with a slight change, “He I am. Rock ME like a hurricane.”. Totally dorky, I know. I likened it to asking God to light the fire, which in my opinion, is a pretty wierd thing to ask, although I have and do from time to time. I don’t know, but in the moment it felt appriate and I felt up to the challenge. By the way, I’m not claiming that the Scorps are a Godly band by any means, the rest of the lyrics of the song, which I had to look up when I got home, are in my opinion, sad and pathetic. I just feel like, and some may disagree and that okay, God sometimes uses the most unlikely people and things to move us, even the Scorpians. Two hours later, with one almost careless running our of gas incident, I arrived back at the condo happy and cheerful feeling renewed ready to gather my boys and Brent up in my arms.
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